hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
