did you get engaged???
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
