I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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