just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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