I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
