Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
