Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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