I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
