Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
