Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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