JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
