I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
