So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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