Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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