after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I love having hate sex.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have already put on my inside pants.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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