Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize