what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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