It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i've created a new STD.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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