it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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