I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
