i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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