rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
