so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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