dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do vagina's smell?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize