He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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