Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
