OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
