Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
