she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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