i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
