haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
