So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
