There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
