so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
is it fun? or sober?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
