Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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