next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
