cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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