i think my tv is drunk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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