Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
