it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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