You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
