I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need water and some morals
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
