Can i not drive my cunt home
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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