Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
