where does the pee come out of this thing
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My vagina is very pro this idea
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
