Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
