"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
