end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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