I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
