Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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