Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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