does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
