1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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