i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
