You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My penis needs a shock collar
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
