Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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