the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
operation have a gay friend backfired
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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