the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize