Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
