Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
