4 words: hood of his car
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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