the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
