yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
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There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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