oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
