Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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