Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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