...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
