hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize