His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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