i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
