I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
